Trust the Timing of your Life

Trust the Timing of your Life

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”- Maya Angelou 

A friend of mine posted that on Instagram last night, which really got my little blonde wheels churning. I believe it wholeheartedly – but I appreciate that it is a difficult concept to live by. Heartbreak, when it comes to any aspect of life, can stop you dead in your tracks. The angst of rejection, the fear of being hurt, can be paralyzing. So how do we push through? I believe, with trust.

I don’t know exactly what it is about my twenties, but the pressure is palpable.

Pressure to go to university.

Pressure to get a job post university.

Pressure to find “the one”.

Pressure to buy a house.

Pressure to look good while doing all of the above.

How do you successfully sail through the river of life, checking those boxes, when you have no idea where the river is leading you? Over the last few years, I have mulled this over constantly, and eventually, finally, have learned to give up all the doubt, and fall into the cushion of certainty, that this river is leading me exactly where I am meant to go.

A little backstory as to how I arrived at this comforting conclusion:

Much to the chagrin of my parents, I took my sweet ass time going to university following graduating high school. Instead, I partied, eventually moving the party to Kelowna, where I partied my pants off for 3 years.

Eventually, though, Kelowna ended up bringing me to one of the lowest points of my life. Working at the bar, partying all night, drinking an exorbitant amount, dabbling in drugs, and then sleeping the beautiful Kelowna days away? Talk about a lack of self-fulfillment.

I left Kelowna thirsty for something else. So, I left all my belongings behind, moved back to Calgary, and immediately booked a ticket to Europe. My parents were in the middle of getting a divorce, and my brother was also trying to escape the tense atmosphere, so we actually decided to go together. Those two months were probably the most challenging and gratifying two months of my life. The first month spent with my brother brought us to a closeness I never realized was possible. It helped heal my soul, which had been wounded as my parents split, and everything I had known was chopped clumsily in half. And the second month, spent mostly alone, solidified the knowledge that I can do anything on my own, whether it be finding my way out of Slovenia (I thought I was in Slovakia), communicating with Romanians who spoke zero English, or sleep in a room that was infested with rats. I truly believed I was meant to leave it all in Canada for that brief moment in time. Lessons learned and wounds healed during that period were invaluable.

I was reminded: trust the timing of your life. 

I can back from that trip at peace, and with my confidence restored. It was time to go to university.

I was 21, and a few of my friends were in their last year, as I started my first.  While initially slightly ashamed of that fact, I took solace in one thing: the knowledge that I was ready. Had I gone when I was 17 (I’m young for my grade), I would have likely taken something just to take it, wasting time and money. Instead, I aced all my classes, worked full-time, and graduated in 3.5 years, debt-free and with a 3.7 GPA. Seventeen-year-old Morgan probably wouldn’t be able to say the same.

I was reminded: trust the timing of your life. 

Following university, I tried my damnest get a job. I was frustrated and defeated at the difficulty I had obtaining my first position. The fact that I graduated right in the middle of a recession didn’t help matters, and I found myself almost giving up… until my best friends mom sent me a posting. It was the company of a friend of hers, who were looking to fill the roll of an Account Manager.

“Morgan, you need to apply for this job! You and Ryan (the CEO) are a great fit and would really like  each other!”

So, I took the time, wrote a bomb cover letter, attached my pathetic resume, and sent it off to Ryan. The whole time, my stomach was churning, my gut telling me, “This is it! This is finally it!”.

A day went by, then a week, then months. I never heard a word from Ryan. So much for my gut.

And then, 9 months later, I recieved an email:

“Morgan,

You sent me your resume a while back applying for the Account Manager position. That position has been filled, but we do have an opening that I think would be perfect for you. When can you come in for an interview?”

I went in for the interview, and it just clicked. I knew this was the job and environment for me, and evidently, my boss did too. I started working at William Joseph Communications almost two years ago, and have been challenged every day since. Every day at work is an adventure, which (mostly) bodes well with my easily-bored spirit.

I was reminded: trust the timing of your life. 

I often feel like I am on a hamster wheel, and every 1 million rotations, I check off a box. Went to university – check. Got a job – check. Bought a house – check. Get married – check… kind of.

That last one kind of threw me off. I was all set to check that box, until I realized, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t even close. The end of that relationship felt as though my stomach had been sliced open, my heart and guts spilling onto the floor. The most excruciating part? The fact that my former partner was pretty much the perfect guy (actually though, if you know him you know), had done nothing wrong, there was no reason to end the engagement, other than then the piercing, nagging feeling that I was not ready to be married.

It was just timing. I was cruising along the the twenties highway, largely accomplishing what was expected of me at an appropriate speed. The problem? I finally realized that checking off boxes fulfilled absolutely nothing within me.

As terrifying as it was, I needed to do what I had been doing: I needed to trust the timing of my life.

It was fucking hard. It still is sometimes, as those around me get married, begin families, do all the things that you are “supposed” to do. I sometimes wonder if I made an error, but that thought is always fleeting. I truly believe I am right where I am meant to be, at this exact moment. And that brings me peace.

Every now ans then, life shoots you a curve ball that sends you spinning. It is so, so easy to fall into a negative pit of self-doubt, fear, anxiety. If you’re in that spot right now, focus your efforts on just pushing forward, and take solace in the notion that everything happens as it should, if you just work hard, and trust it the timing of your life.

What goes down, must come up eventually, so just keep going. Life’s tough, but so are we.

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